i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
Need sex. Gaining weight.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
