literally had 100 drinks last night.
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Randomize