the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
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