Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
