Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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