pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
So here I am, sexting at work.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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