Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
foreskin is a definite game changer
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
