i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
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