Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize
