I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
