I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Randomize