worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
