You're so nebulous sometimes
**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
