Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
