It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
