Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Randomize
