I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
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long story
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weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
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