I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
my shit smells like andre
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
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