My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
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