i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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