i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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