I wish I only lived at night.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
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