All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Dick very happy bro
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Randomize
