I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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