I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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