im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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