i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
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