I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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