so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
