JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
