Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
I am full of burrito and curiosity
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
