meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
if only i could text you this smell
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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