The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
