Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
Randomize
