dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize