I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
