I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Randomize
