Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
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