sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
