you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
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