i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
