My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
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