Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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