It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
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