Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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