He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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