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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Randomize