Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
