I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
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