Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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