They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
It's no shave November. This is our time.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
