Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
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