well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Randomize
