We're like a lot better than the average bears
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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