I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
