I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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