I only kidnapped one of them. chill
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Can you bring me the toilet please
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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