Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
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