i think my tv is drunk
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
