weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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