u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
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